What I am TIRED of hearing…(about 50 shades of Grey)

Okay so unless you have been living under a rock for the last couple of years or so, you would know what 50 shades of Grey is. Basically a series about a couple who has a BDSM relationship. Basically. Of course, there has been tons of blog posts about people giving it such a hard time for it being a terrible book, all it teaches us is that domestic abuse is okay blah blah blah and I am so tired of people saying that. First of all, have you read the book? anyone that has read the book would know that “domestic abuse” isn’t really whats going on here. A billionaire who seduces a innocent, young virgin and abuses her isn’t really whats going on here. If you read the book, you would know that there is basically an entire chapter talking about how its suppose to be recreational and Anna (the girl in the book) consents to all of these things and when it got too much for her, she ended the relationship and he accepted that. Domestic abuse doesn’t really work like that. And Christian (the guy in the book) didn’t purposely lure her in because of her virginity and again anyone who actually read the book would know that. It takes two to tango in a relationship and Christian warns Ana about his type of lifestyle and he only engages in that BDSM relationship once there is an agreement from the both parties. Second, enough about how these books are terribly written. Get a grip people, these types of books aren’t suppose to be award winning, mind-challenging types of novels. It’s for entertainment so quit putting the book on some level it will never reach. There was an article that I read recently about the novel and I would just like to point out a few things.

1)If you’re good-looking, rich, or successful, you can develop a violent sexual appetite and people will be okay with it.
– okay seriously, demonizing the author for making the main character attractive. Obviously you (the article) isn’t okay with him being the way he is so him being good looking doesn’t really matter does it?

2) sex is completely for pleasure and all love/romance should be removed from the situation.
– have you read the books? and trust us, there are many things in the world that promotes the same thing said above so the novel is irrelevant to that.

3) Girls: If you hang around long enough and put up with a guy’s “issues”, eventually he might love you and change
– no thats the whole point she ended up leaving him was because she realized he couldn’t love her in the end. again. read the book. and there was a part in there about how she stayed with him for all the lavish gifts he gave her. if you read the book you would know she hated all the gifts and found them extremely uncomfortable.

4) Guys: You can do whatever you want to a girl and she’ll just take it because… she’s a girl.
-It takes two to tango! Read the book.

I am not saying that I am a die hard fan of the book and will defend everything about it but its articles like these that anger me because anyone who has actually read the book will know that the series is beyond just BDSM sex and that the sex is really only a minimal part of the entire series. so before you go and say that the entire series is all about an abusive relationship, go and actually read it and tell me if you still think so after.

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15 thoughts on “What I am TIRED of hearing…(about 50 shades of Grey)

  1. Agreed, she and grey went back and forth with the contract. She did not agree to all it contained and they amended it to what she was willing to do or not do. She was a consenting partner. He didn’t force her to do anything.

      1. Well the people with the biggest opinion about these kinds if things usually have not cracked the book. Take the Bible for instance………

  2. I am just tired of everyone focusing on just the sexual/sadistic/masochistic aspects of BDSM. If people would just really research BDSM they would realize that there is so much more to it than that. I have not read the book and have no intention of seeing the movie….I live the lifestyle and know exactly how it works for my Dominant/Love and myself. Everyone is entitled to their opinion…..(shrugs).

    1. No yea, I totally get it, I’m not entirely sure if I came across as BDSM is all that the book is about, but I was just really tired of reading and hearing about people saying that type of a lifestyle is domestic abuse and its not if people would do some research instead of judging because its not their lifestyle.

  3. The book aside, I think that one of the questions raised is “Is BDSM itself a healthy sexual lifestyle or should it be considered a sexual disorder?” If a relationship consisted of violence (non-sexual) toward either participant, we would be disturbed if the participants were consenting, wouldn’t we? What makes sexual violence in a BDSM lifestyle different & therefore OK?

  4. Actually, if you look up the plot of the subsequent books, you will see that Christian and Ana eventually get married. They do fall in love, and the book, or the series at least, DOES basically make many of the statements you are criticizing. So you are inaccurate yourself. While I agree that some of your criticisms of the initial criticism have merit, for example, it does take two to tango, I think you are missing the forest for the trees. For example, yes it takes two to tango, but in a dance there is ALWAYS a leader. If you are going to use metaphors, please thing about the ramifications of that metaphor.

    Additionally, Christian IS a crappy person. He is a rich womanizer, whether those acts are consensual or not. He may not have initially realized that Ana was inexperienced, but hey, in my world, that is why you don’t live like he does. He LEADS her into something that is abusive. She agrees, but mostly out of ignorance. In the REAL WORLD, your actions have consequences. They can hurt people. I have hurt people, acting ironically a lot like Christian does. I now see it for what it is. Plenty of people can do consensual things that are bad, either for themselves, or indirectly for others around them. If you wanted to argue that it’s really not bad just because everything done is done voluntarily, then you might as well argue that Trainspotting is about a bunch of really intelligent heroin addicts.

    The biggest problem with this book, and now movie, which is by no means limited to just this book, is that it glorifies a primarily sex based relationship. A relationship totally devoid of real intimacy and anything but superficial attraction and infatuation. It totally glosses over the problems getting into situations like this ACTUALLY presents in real life. Sure, fantasy book, I get it. But there is a difference between a fantasy book like Harry Potter that promotes good ideals and “morals of the story” through the means of fantastical situations, and a book that basically promotes hedonism and a false notion of love and glosses over the typical risks and consequences of things like this. It doesn’t matter if this is just what “books of this type do”. Genre is not an excuse. There is no reason to not always be interested in spreading a good message.

    And the book, does actually indicate that it’s okay for Christian to act like he does because he is rich and good looking. Take this quote from the wikipedia article about the book: “Ana receives a package from Christian containing first edition copies of Tess of the d’Urbervilles, which stuns her.” But, instead of turning her away from him, they end up getting together. In the first book, she leaves him. But guess what, by the end of the second book he proposes and they get married. If you want to seriously argue that someone who wasn’t rich and powerful and good looking did that and wouldn’t get called a creep, basically sending her a sex book, then you are not living in reality. Furthermore, the whole initial part of the plot is “Christian is rich, powerful, and intimidating, therefore Ana has a crush on him.” She knows nothing about him. This is why the book is rightly called mommy porn. It is basically soft porn. It is something that primarily appeals to women in unsatisfying relationships. Women who, because they lack real intimacy, seek out the appeal of an intimidating and powerful figure who ravishes them and magically falls in love with them and everything just works out. Normal porn is for guys who lack real intimacy, and this is no different.

    This book has nothing to do with real love, something sorely missing from many relationships today, as evidenced by high divorce rates and many people not even bothering to get married. But, it does try to pass itself off as having something to do with love. You can see this in the fact that the movie is being released on Valentines Day. It is totally in line with the theme of the book. Fifty Shades is one in a long line of modern books or movies that intentionally tries to blur the line between sex and love. Yes, they are often together, but we already have a problem in society where people hook up, have sex, develop feelings far too quickly, and then everything disintegrates. Over time, people are jaded. Fifty shades is really nothing short of trash. By all means, point out inaccuracies in a critique. Truth is very important. But the book, as well as the movie, is making a negative impact in soceity. It is riddled with characters making bad choices, and then glorifying and rewarding those choices. It shamelessly passes off infatuation and sex as love, or the precursors to it, which is also a bunch of crap, regardless of whatever anyone thinks of the whole BDSM thing.

    1. Please, don’t go all self righteous. If you are not the Author you can’t tell what she is doing. You can assume what she is doing but don’t be vile enough to assure that she is glorifying stuff just because you tought so, next time go and ask her, or live with the fact that there are people who will defend and offend it equally.

      Also, have a look at this

      A reader sends me a questionnaire in which he presents the profile of three world leaders who lived in the same period of history, and asks if it is possible to choose the best one using the following data:

      Candidate A was associated with witchdoctors and often consulted astrologists. He had two mistresses. His wife was a Lesbian. He smoked a lot. He drank eight to ten martinis a day.

      Candidate B never managed to hold down a job because of his arrogance. He slept the whole morning. He used opium at school, and was always considered a bad student. He drank a glass of brandy every morning.

      Candidate C was decorated a hero. A vegetarian, he did not smoke. His discipline was exemplary. He occasionally drank a beer. He stayed with the same woman during his moments of glory and defeat.

      And what was the answer?

      A] Franklin Delano Roosevelt. B] Winston Churchill. C] Adolf Hitler.

      Full article: http://www.warriorofthelight.com/engl/edi193_busca.shtml

      1. What do you mean, if you are not the author, you can’t tell what they are doing? That doesn’t make any sense. It is a trivial response that you could give about anyone doing anything.

        The fact remains that the book describes a relationship that is primarily about superficial infatuation and sex. That dynamic is passed off as love. It isn’t self righteous to say that that is glorying that. You can see it in the responses of millions of people who actually think that the book, and now the movie, is the answer to their relationship ills. It isn’t. And it doesn’t matter if that was her intent or not. It doesn’t matter that much if you meant to kill someone if you did. It doesn’t matter that much if you meant to get your homework assignment in on time if you didn’t.

        Finally, nothing is wrong with sex. No-one is being a prude. If you want good, fulfilling sex,and do I have a wonderful sex life, then seek a good relationship first. Don’t just jump into the physical side right away. Go after someone who has good character qualities. Not someone who is a womanizer or who just looks attractive or who just piles on the gifts and compliments. ACTUALLY get to know them in situations where you HAVE TO get to know the real person. Not just situations where you only see them at their best.

      2. Good eve!

        Okay, let me get this trough, I am not saying anything about prudeness or not, sorry if it felt like that. Second, I do believe that a sexual relationship can be WAY better if there is a real Loving relationship behind it. I totally agree with that. You know stuff mate, and have consideration for the feelings of others and your own, I respect that, deeply.

        I believe that my quarrel is with the fact that you are blaming the author for the decision each person makes. You see, you have a book, it’s just a book. Just like Harry Potter, Pride and Prejudice, The Portrait of Dorian Grey. It depends on each person to choose what they want from that book, each and every one of them. A book gives you nothing that you don’t want to take from it, it’s just a reflection of who you are. It depends totally on your own values and beliefs. But, don’t say that someone IS doing something, because that is not them, it is you. At most you can say that you THINK they are doing something. Because, the way I see it, if you guarantee they are doing something, then you become totally irresponsible of that opinion. And irresponsibility is, in my opinion, something this wold can’t afford anymore.

        Allow me to explain this further.

        Take the Bible (Why? Because I have greater chances of you having heard of it than any of the other book mentioned above). It has a very beautiful part, “The Song of Songs”, which talks about Love, Lovers celebrating being together, being Happy. Also, it has “The book of Job”, in a section of which Job offers his two daughters to be mass raped, years later the two daughters get their father drunk, sleep with him and then deliver their child.

        Crazy.

        Ah, ’bout that bit of killing someone. If I decide to kill someone, how is it the Knife maker’s fault?

        And it is every person’s individual choice. When I think of the Bible, I think of the Song of Songs, and it makes me happy.

        So, choose wathever you want, but be responsible for it. Don’t blame someone else, most of the time they don’t give a mustard’s seed for it.

        So, here you have my answer, Mr. Christopher. What’s your choice?

      3. To your question regarding the questionnaire, is it possible to choose the best one using the following data: the answer is NO. We need MORE data, please, and then we can choose!

        Oh, the names FDR, Churchill, and Hitler. That data sure helps! NOW I think I can choose the best one.

        We understand people based on a totality of information. If you craft a question to solicit a certain answer, that’s weak.

        We approve or disapprove of things based upon our (individual, cultural, socio-political, historical, etc.) point of view. Nothing wrong with that. It’s just being human.

  5. Finally, someone who has a brain inside her head. Thank you, I’m also tired of listening to people condemning someone else’s work just because they think it is immoral. I think a book gives you what you want to take from it, regardless of the author’s intentions. That is kind of personal.

    Again, thanks, and have a very happy Valentine’s day.

  6. Look, I get that this is a romance novel/movie, and so the writing isn’t supposed to be spectacular. I also get that arguing over the morality or lack thereof of BDSM isn’t going to do anyone any good. But the one thing that bothers me most about this story is when Christian does not honor Ana’s use of the safe word, and instead gets angry and continues. That is rape. Rape is never romance.

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